I Want to Fuck Austin Wolf

UPDATE: I no longer wish to fuck nor fist Austin Wolf. Manuel Ferrara remains the only porn star I wish to fuck me in every hole.

OK. As I've said on Twitter, gay porn star Austin Wolf is the first gay porn star I've actually wanted to slam my pussy until I scream for ice and painkillers.

I’m a bit weird: I usually don’t get off to gay porn, but I love watching it, and I know what good gay porn looks like; I've been consuming the shit since I was 15 years old --- that’s 13 years of porn-watching under my belt. Now, don’t get me wrong, many gay porn stars have turned me on when they are engaging in gay sex, because gay sex turns me on. But I don't want to engage in any sexual activity with them. I also relish in the fact that these men are completely unobtainable. In all that time, Austin Wolf and Manuel Ferrara are the only two porn stars I've truly wanted deep inside my pussy.

Austin Wolf is gay, and I still want this tall, gorgeous, muscular god to tear my fucking pussy apart. Just fuck me until I die. Well, that’s what I wanted about three days ago, but now I realize I actually want to fuck him. I want to fuck him in his juicy ass with a big, thick, veiny strap-on. I want to brutalize his fucking prostate until he screams and leaks all over my fucking high-thread-count sheets. It would go a little something like this:

Things Needed for Fucking Austin Wolf 
• Unscented Baby Oil: This is needed for when I rub my pussy all over his abs and pecs. Plus, he will look even better oiled up.

• A big veiny strap-on: It will be about 10 inches long, and quite girth-y. I want it to stretch the ring of his asshole as I mercilessly slam it into him.

• A leather harness: I need something to grab on to as I’m destroying his prostate. He’s a beast, and I’m not a man, so I need something to keep me astride. Plus, a harness looks hot as fuck.

• Water and/or Gatorade: At some point, I want Austin to piss everywhere while I’m fucking the hell out of him. We will both need hydration --- me, because I’m sure I’ll be sweating trying to ride this beast of a man.


What I Will Look Like
• Slicked back hair in a bun

• Mascara and lip balm

• Diamond studs 

• White wife beater and leggings: I want to look hard, tough, but also pretty. Edgy but not entirely butch. I’m going to be fucking a man, so flowy hair and makeup and perfume is for when I’m getting fucked. I want to smell like soap and that’s all. I don’t want any smells interfering with Austin Wolf’s manly scent.

What We Will Be Doing
I will be eating his gorgeous ass for about ten or fifteen minutes. (I DON’T rim; but for him, I will!) Next, I will lavish his balls with my tongue for another ten minutes, and then I will brutalize my throat with his hard cock. I will then turn him on his stomach, lube him up and shove my strap-on cock into his delicious asshole. We’ll fuck like that for a while, with me gripping his harness for dear life. Lots of dirty talk and grunting and moaning and screaming. Then I will get on my back and he will ride me, and I will look at his gorgeous face as he rubs his prostate against my strap-on. We will then flip to missionary, where I will fuck the piss out of him. It will spray all over his stomach and chest. At this stage, I will remove my wife beater in anticipation of his cum. More hard fucking. Then his warm cum will shoot all over my tits. I will then unhook my strap-on, climb on top of him and rub one out on his pecs, rubbing my clitoris all over his nipples while his big fucking hands choke me until I almost pass out. FUCK!

It's all over. We take a shower together, and then we agree to meet again. Next time I promise to explore his asshole with my fucking fists.

Thank you for reading. [photos from Randy Blue]

Erik Fuckin' Rhodes

This mofo is about ten minutes from being committed to a psych ward. I don't care because he is too precious. A rare breed in porn - a muscle-head who's over six feet tall and likes to get plowed every which way but none. And his accent is simply the best. I had the absolute pleasure of watching him on Falcon TV with Matthew Rush, and Matthew asked him if he used to be a bouncer; Erik replied, "I was ayasked to be a byounsuh." I knew this big tall drink of mental instability would be my favorite gay porn star. I don't even have to see him have sex - just show up BTS and I'm happy. So my first post at Porn Biatch is dedicated to Erik Fuckin' Rhodes. Enjoy him in all his pimp and cigar goodness above. Oh, and get this motherfucker a Paxil quick.

-----

This was the first post I ever wrote on this blog. I wrote this at 21-years-old, in October of 2006. When I resurrected my blog, I put all my old posts in draft. I am un-drafting this post because when I wrote this, Erik was my favorite gay porn star. I truly adored him. I would write comments on his blog, not giving him life advice like many of the comments, but I'd ask silly stuff like "Have you found yourself yet?" On his blog, Erik was brutally honest and forthcoming with his feelings about the industry he worked in. He talked about his deep depression, dying young, drugs, jail stints, escorting, his violent nature and failed love life. I LOVED that about him. He gave it to us raw, and people, however judgmental, respected his honesty.

I know he is finally at peace; he is somewhere where he can get high as a kite and as big and muscular as he wants, with no consequences. He's madly in love and smiling and telling tales about his adventures here on Earth. We may think he lived a tragic life because his hard living may have ultimately killed him, but he lived on his own terms, and even if those terms made him unhappy, he owned up to it and never apologized. I have no judgments and I accept the life he lead (not that it matters). I thank him for the beautiful art he leaves behind, and I hope wherever he is now, there is an abundance of emo music, fists and drugs. Rest in peace, James.

Favorite Gay Porn Stars of 2012

It's that time of the year again! Time to list my favorite gay porn stars. I LOVE the guys on this list, and you will love them, too!

I long to eat corn again!

1. Cody Cummings: I want you to name another 75-year-old gay porn star who can stand and have his limp, dead cock fellated by so many willing men? I'll wait. You can't, can you? That's because my Cody is simply the best senior citizen gay porn star on the planet. Who doesn't like watching an aging ape "excited" man stand around like a statue or lie there like a corpse and receive head from men who look like they'd rather be having a colonoscopy with a fire-covered probe who are honored to suck his noodle? I don't know about you, but that sounds like a fun time in the Porn Cave to me. And let's talk about his evolution as a gay porn star (no pun intended; OK, yeah it's intended): He's simulating anal sex now. I mean, talk about being a fucking team player. Forget the Jessie Colters and Anthony Romeros who actually take big cocks in their assholes ... No, this motherfuckin' bitch beautiful man is adept at NOT getting fucked. Hump away, cunt Cody because I will always be a fan. And, babe, I don't mind your white hair, atrophied muscles, wrinkles and the Fixodent you leave smeared all over your geriatric sets. I don't blame you for all the Fixodent --- men tend to get frisky ideas when they see toothless gums. And we know homie don't play that cocksucking shit, right? Old pathetic bitch.  I love you just the way you are, Cody. You are my favorite gay porn star of 2012

Only 10 ribs left. Jealous?

2. Cliff Jensen: I admit, I've always wondered how Cliffy J keeps his hourglass figure so hourglass-y. His waist-hip ratio would make any woman positively envious. His stunning curvy figure aside, what I love about Cliff is how intelligent and law-abiding he is. You won't find a more upstanding citizen in gay porn. Nope. When he's not having ribs removed, he's in his garage not getting high or worrying about being extradited to Florida to serve jail time. No, he just spends his days asking for plungers on his Amazon wishlist (possibly to unclog the neighborhood's toilets --- such a good man). And he's starting his own website. HIS OWN WEBSITE, you guys. I can imagine the flaking fucking and sucking  extravaganza that's going to be. I'm proud of of you, Cliff. I wonder if we will be treated to pictures of his girlfriend's mutilated asshole and her well-meaning faggot diatribe in the blog section. Fingers crossed! Whatever Cliffy decides to do on his state of the art basic HTML website, I know it will be brilliant ... and legal. I love you, Cliffy.

Does Spencer want to come out?

3. Spencer Fox: While I'm not sure if Spencer is being allowed to come out and play these days (he has to give all the other personalities their time to shine), I must say the brief psychotic moments when Spencer was allowed to come out to play have been beautiful and truly treasured. His brilliant essays on the word "gay" and his Twitter meltdowns melt-ups make this smart, young MMA aspirant such a joy to know. Even though his mental status is as stable as the bacteria ratio on Spencer Reed's back, he has never made death threats or accused performers of having AIDS or called fans faggots like some other cunts I know. If you just leave him alone with his coconut water and lithium, he's all right. I'm so glad the gay porn industry continues to hire him. I look forward to seeing more of this precious GERM'S gem's work --- like his heterosexually homosexual gaping asshole.

Watch out!

4. Riley Price: Are you a member of Riley Price's website? Can you believe all the great content he's put up? I mean, that is how you do an eponymous website. Take note, gay porn performers hoping to start their own websites. Just look at how successful Riley Price's website is. And all it took is the power of a smartly aimed airborne cherry tomato to give this piece of shit ginger all the confidence he needed to venture out on his own. I just can't believe how well he's doing. It's really inspiring, isn't it? Personallly, I can't wait to see what he's going to do with an heirloom tomato or beefsteak tomato! He just might become President. Oh, just imagine it, guys: Riley running the country like he runs his content-heavy website. We should be so fucking lucky. Get this ginger a tomato vine, stat. STAT!

Hi, Tyler!

5. Tyler Torro: Fuck it. I can't even. *vomits*

PORN STAR? CHECK!

Yes, the man you're looking at is a bona fied sex star. His name is Jessie Colter. He has a hot body, a gorgeous face, and a wonderful disposition. What I love most about Jessie Colter is that he is in porn to make fucking porn. 

He has done it all (and well). Water sports? Check. BDSM? Check. Interracial? Check. Sounding? Check. Group sex? Check. Romantic scenes? Check. Suspended from a ceiling while getting fucked? Check. Snowballing? Check. Facials? Check. Acting skills? Check. Good at dirty talk? Check. Using inanimate objects as dildos? CHECK. 

And ... AND he has the nerve to be sweet and obliging to his fans. He's gay, enjoys sex, and gives high energy performances. What more can a fan of gay porn require? 

 I don't give a fuck what anyone says about porn stars no longer existing. They do. Jessie leads the way. He is a gay porn star who fucks for his fans first. For that, I thank him.

He may not be your cup of tea, but the tea you drink is stale, bitch. 

I could go on but I won't. I'll just start ranting about gay-for-pay cunts and gross cunts. So I'll end it here.