Favorite Gay Porn Stars of 2012

It's that time of the year again! Time to list my favorite gay porn stars. I LOVE the guys on this list, and you will love them, too!

I long to eat corn again!

1. Cody Cummings: I want you to name another 75-year-old gay porn star who can stand and have his limp, dead cock fellated by so many willing men? I'll wait. You can't, can you? That's because my Cody is simply the best senior citizen gay porn star on the planet. Who doesn't like watching an aging ape "excited" man stand around like a statue or lie there like a corpse and receive head from men who look like they'd rather be having a colonoscopy with a fire-covered probe who are honored to suck his noodle? I don't know about you, but that sounds like a fun time in the Porn Cave to me. And let's talk about his evolution as a gay porn star (no pun intended; OK, yeah it's intended): He's simulating anal sex now. I mean, talk about being a fucking team player. Forget the Jessie Colters and Anthony Romeros who actually take big cocks in their assholes ... No, this motherfuckin' bitch beautiful man is adept at NOT getting fucked. Hump away, cunt Cody because I will always be a fan. And, babe, I don't mind your white hair, atrophied muscles, wrinkles and the Fixodent you leave smeared all over your geriatric sets. I don't blame you for all the Fixodent --- men tend to get frisky ideas when they see toothless gums. And we know homie don't play that cocksucking shit, right? Old pathetic bitch.  I love you just the way you are, Cody. You are my favorite gay porn star of 2012

Only 10 ribs left. Jealous?

2. Cliff Jensen: I admit, I've always wondered how Cliffy J keeps his hourglass figure so hourglass-y. His waist-hip ratio would make any woman positively envious. His stunning curvy figure aside, what I love about Cliff is how intelligent and law-abiding he is. You won't find a more upstanding citizen in gay porn. Nope. When he's not having ribs removed, he's in his garage not getting high or worrying about being extradited to Florida to serve jail time. No, he just spends his days asking for plungers on his Amazon wishlist (possibly to unclog the neighborhood's toilets --- such a good man). And he's starting his own website. HIS OWN WEBSITE, you guys. I can imagine the flaking fucking and sucking  extravaganza that's going to be. I'm proud of of you, Cliff. I wonder if we will be treated to pictures of his girlfriend's mutilated asshole and her well-meaning faggot diatribe in the blog section. Fingers crossed! Whatever Cliffy decides to do on his state of the art basic HTML website, I know it will be brilliant ... and legal. I love you, Cliffy.

Does Spencer want to come out?

3. Spencer Fox: While I'm not sure if Spencer is being allowed to come out and play these days (he has to give all the other personalities their time to shine), I must say the brief psychotic moments when Spencer was allowed to come out to play have been beautiful and truly treasured. His brilliant essays on the word "gay" and his Twitter meltdowns melt-ups make this smart, young MMA aspirant such a joy to know. Even though his mental status is as stable as the bacteria ratio on Spencer Reed's back, he has never made death threats or accused performers of having AIDS or called fans faggots like some other cunts I know. If you just leave him alone with his coconut water and lithium, he's all right. I'm so glad the gay porn industry continues to hire him. I look forward to seeing more of this precious GERM'S gem's work --- like his heterosexually homosexual gaping asshole.

Watch out!

4. Riley Price: Are you a member of Riley Price's website? Can you believe all the great content he's put up? I mean, that is how you do an eponymous website. Take note, gay porn performers hoping to start their own websites. Just look at how successful Riley Price's website is. And all it took is the power of a smartly aimed airborne cherry tomato to give this piece of shit ginger all the confidence he needed to venture out on his own. I just can't believe how well he's doing. It's really inspiring, isn't it? Personallly, I can't wait to see what he's going to do with an heirloom tomato or beefsteak tomato! He just might become President. Oh, just imagine it, guys: Riley running the country like he runs his content-heavy website. We should be so fucking lucky. Get this ginger a tomato vine, stat. STAT!

Hi, Tyler!

5. Tyler Torro: Fuck it. I can't even. *vomits*

PORN STAR? CHECK!

Yes, the man you're looking at is a bona fied sex star. His name is Jessie Colter. He has a hot body, a gorgeous face, and a wonderful disposition. What I love most about Jessie Colter is that he is in porn to make fucking porn. 

He has done it all (and well). Water sports? Check. BDSM? Check. Interracial? Check. Sounding? Check. Group sex? Check. Romantic scenes? Check. Suspended from a ceiling while getting fucked? Check. Snowballing? Check. Facials? Check. Acting skills? Check. Good at dirty talk? Check. Using inanimate objects as dildos? CHECK. 

And ... AND he has the nerve to be sweet and obliging to his fans. He's gay, enjoys sex, and gives high energy performances. What more can a fan of gay porn require? 

 I don't give a fuck what anyone says about porn stars no longer existing. They do. Jessie leads the way. He is a gay porn star who fucks for his fans first. For that, I thank him.

He may not be your cup of tea, but the tea you drink is stale, bitch. 

I could go on but I won't. I'll just start ranting about gay-for-pay cunts and gross cunts. So I'll end it here. 

Live-Tweet: Sweet Cheeks from AustinWilde.com

I live-tweet gay porn. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is, it's basically me tweeting every fucking thought that pops into my head while I'm watching a gay porn scene. Yes, I really do curse and think the stuff I tweet while watching gay porn. Live-tweeting isn't for everyone: some people just can't be bothered to read porn or have their timeline taken over by a woman whose fingers stay permanently on the Shift+1 and Caps Lock keys while tweeting graphic descriptions of what she's watching. Too fucking bad, I say. We all can use a break from the gym tweets and fake flirting and ass kissing for one damned night.

I've decided to archive my live-tweets here, so the people who are interested will have a place to go if they miss a live-tweeting. Twitter isn't exactly the best archivist, even if I use a hash tag. So here goes!

Sweet Cheeks, from Austin Wilde's eponymous site, is the first live-tweet to be archived on my blog. And let me tell you, it is totally worth it! This scene is so fucking hot. We have two gay men in love and fucking for the masses. The scene features all my favorites: fingerbanging, SNOWBALLING and a totally submissive bottom getting his ass pounded to hell. Anthony Romero shows off his power-bottoming skills (and his arch!) by taking his boyfriend's big hard fucking cock like a champ. You can read Anthony Romero's blog about the scene here.

The Live-Tweet:

PornBiatch Heather K. 

Feet lovers will delight in knowing that @AustinWilde opens the scene up by giving his boyfriend some toe-licking-loving #SweetCheeks

4 Jan 

PornBiatch Heather K. 

Ooh, @TimoteoStudio underwear in this scene. #SweetCheeks

4 Jan 

PornBiatch Heather K. 

I can already tell this is going to be hot. The theme so far is sensuality and romance. LOTS of hot kissing and body kissing. #SweetCheeks

4 Jan 

PornBiatch Heather K. 

OMG! Finger sucking! @AnthyRomero just sucked @AustinWilde's fingers. Fuck, that is hot! #SweetCheeks

4 Jan 

PornBiatch Heather K. 

They're killing me! Neck kissing. GUYS! #SweetCheeks

4 Jan 

PornBiatch Heather K. 

Wait. I need to get a capture of this finger sucking. #SweetCheeks

4 Jan 

Favorites and Highlights of 2011

Highlights

• I discovered my prince, Jessie Colter.

• I interviewed my prince

• I received birthday wishes from some of my favorite gay porn stars.

• I live-tweeted lots of porn

• A porn scene was created just for Erynn Vaehne and me (Men.com "He Can Do It Better")

• I proved to Jeremy Bilding that I am, in fact, a chick who writes about porn.

• I learned that James Jamesson is also a woman

• I discovered that Spencer Reed is a cunt

• I was shocked to find out that one's willing asshole takes precedence over one's mental status

• I learned that great abs will blind the masses to one's lackluster performance in gay porn.

• I had too much fun in DM.

• And, most importantly, I fell in love with gay porn all over again.

Top 10 Favorite Twitter People in 2011

10.@ ChristianWildeX

9. @RobRomoni

8. @theswordcom

7. @RichardASweeney

6. @shamama/@ZacharySire

5. @devon_hunter

4. @jessiecolterxxx

3. @AustinWilde

2. @AnthyRomero

1. @ErynnVaehne

Honorable Mentions
@pirateprince
@Eli_Beh
@pornobobbie
@chrism799
@harveywalker
@MeetGreg
@Ryan_Raz
@TreyTurnerX
@NaughtyLauraD
@jeremybilding
@JeremyFeistXXX

Favorite Gay Porn Scenes in 2011

Arpad Miklos Fucks Jessie Colter for Lucas Entertainment

Christian Wilde Fucks Jessie Colter for Men.com

Adam Killian Fucks Jessie Colter for Lucas Entertainment

Austin Wilde Fucks Anthony Romero for Suite703

Austin Wilde and Anthony Romero Fuck Each Other for Next Door Studios


Things I Look Forward to in 2012

• More gay men in gay porn
• My prince having his own site
• Erynn Vaehne behind the camera
• Talented performers receiving due credit and coverage
• Overrated gnomes going away
• Gay porn scenes worthy of live-tweeting
• Cody Cumming's first fisting scene
• Gay-for-pay lames being drawn and quartered
• More orgies (with oiled bodies)
• Matthew Mason (PLEASE don't be just looks!)
• Trey Turner
• More tools up asses
• More gay porn boyfriends
• More blogging and tumblring and tweeting
• Oh, and the Apocalypse, naturally.

Tweet of the Week

 I can't! Spencer Fox calls everyone in gay porn faggots (and fans), makes death threats against the industry and goes completely bat shit insane on Twitter ... and still Raging Stallion/Falcon HIRES THIS MENTALLY ILL BITCH FOR A SCENE! To make matters worse, they pair him with Erik Rhodes. Granted, Erik Rhodes probably doesn't even know who Spencer is and probably couldn't care less, but what the fuck?

What is even going on, gay porn? Why are you fucking up on such a grand scale? WHY IS MARC DYLAN EVERYWHERE, BORING US TO DEATH?! Why is Gomer Pyle doing scenes with apes? Why is Bacne posing and smiling with ugly nut jobs instead of filling a prescription for Accutane? WHY? WHY? FUCKING WHY?!

Birthday Wishes!

Jessie Colter and Trey Turner

Devon Hunter

Anthony Romero

Thanks, guys! You warm my cold heart.

Cybersocket STILL Doesn't Get It

Remember how last year I was all ranty about the lack of stars nominated for the Best Pornstar Cybersocket award? Well, they have righted some wrongs, but now the list is 54 fucking people long. 54! I mean, almost the whole industry is nominated. You see, there should at least be some honor to nominations: they all can't  win, so the company these porn performers are nominated with makes all the difference. How can Austin Wilde feel honored to be nominated when there are names on the list like Cody Cummings and Trystan Bull? Putting them on the list is like saying they are just as deserving of winning as Austin. And we know that is one big I-will-cut-you-right-the-fuck-up lie. And still no Parker London, Dayton O'Connor or Christian Wilde!  No Heath Jordan or Conner Habib! No Devon Hunter! No Jesse Santana!

In the tradition of last year, let's go through the list, shall we?

My Favorite Porn Star - Jessie Colter Interview

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Now on Tumblr --- Still a Bitch

Now I can post shitty quotes and shitty songs and answer shitty anonymous questions and not microblog one bit. I may be more active on Tumblr or I may neglect it just like I do this blog. But it is a new toy, and like with new toys, I'll play with it until the head falls off.

PORNBIATCH.TUMBLR.COM

Welcome to Gay Porn!

INTERVIEWER: The first question I like to ask is why gay porn?

[dead air] ... [for, like, 40 fucking seconds]

FUTURE GAY PORN PARTICIPANT: Uh... dude, what?

I: [clears throat] Let me clarify-

FGPP: What's clarify?

I: Oh, don't worry about that. Luckily for you, gay porn doesn't require an education. All you need to know how to do is sign your name. You do know how to write, don't you?

FGPP: I think.

I: Plenty of time to worry about that. Let's get back to why you want to do gay porn --- can you give me a few reasons?

FGPP: I need money, man. I heard I could make a quick $500 from just letting some fag suck my dick on camera.

I: Oh, uh, that word.

FGPP: Dude! Don't police my speech!

I: Oh, it's fine. I like it when a real man says it.


FGPP: Calm down!


I: Sorry about that. Where were we? Oh, yes,  any other reasons?

FGPP: What other reasons could there be?

I: Well, some guys enter the business because they love sex or they are exhibitionists.

FGPP: Nah. Pussy's my poison. I'm here to make money, dude. I'm not here to fall in love with a guy.

I: Oh, I said nothing about falling in love.

FGPP: I'm not down with that shit, man.

I: OK. Let's move on. Do you have any warrants?

FGPP: Yeah.

I: Oh? Uh ...

FGPP: I'm wanted in, like, 10 states, dude. Fuck swine.

I: 10 states?

FGPP: Look, is this going to be a problem?

I: Oh, no, no. We like bad boys ... as long as they aren't gay. The more warrants the better.

FGPP: [big grin] Yeah, that's more like it.

I: Well, it sounds like you're just what we're looking for, so let me run down a few of the rules we have for you.


First, never say you're gay. NEVER! Sexual or saying "I don't label myself" will work just fine. We, of course, prefer you to just say you're straight. After a year or so, no one will believe you --- at that point, a simple, "I like sex with both sexes" will suffice. Next, say as many homophobic things you can think of and never apologize. It's our insecurity about being gay that makes some us so sensitive. Homophobia makes you appear more manly. Ignore the online backlash, those people don't matter. The only people who matter are the self-loathing closet cases who pull their pud in their den while the wifey snores upstairs. And finally, have sex on camera like you'd rather be getting a limb hacked off instead. DO NOT let the look of pleasure register on your face. This is a job, and you hate this job; and you're better than us. You are doing US a favor, and we pay you for the privilege. Got that?

FGPP: Hell yeah!

I: Welcome to gay porn!

Tweets of the Week

I hate when men refer to their asses as a pussies. Men don't have pussies. OK, Buck Angel has a pussy, but Buck Angel was born with a womb, ovaries and pussy before transitioning into a man. He just decided to keep his pussy. And ... and it's an actual pussy. Call your ass whatever you want (mussy, bussy, cock trap, shit chute, sperm canal ... you get the point) but when you call it a pussy, I will kick you in your descended ovaries, located right under your enlarged clitoris.

Gay porn boyfriends Spencer Reed and Philip Aubrey were involved in a domestic violence incident this past weekend. Phillip cut Spencer down to muscle. TO MUSCLE! Crazy. I've always felt a weird vibe coming from Phillip; he has one of those cute, Cabbage Patch Kid faces, but he also has a cunty demeanor. Now, I like some cunty men, but not the ones who actually turn violent and slice through two layers of skin, fat and into another man's hard-earned muscle. Wow. But what is more shocking is that Spencer let him get that far!

All this domestic violence popping up in gay porn is breaking my heart. I want the boyfriends of gay porn to stop hurting each other; channel your frustration to the shitty directors and studios turning gay porn into a lame frat party --- slice those bastards to the bone. I am NOT advocating violence. I am advocating justice.

Tweet of the Week

Let me clarify here: I have absolutely nothing against gay porn stars who prefer women in their personal lives. I have very little interest in the personal life of ANY porn star, gay or gay-for-pay. I appreciate the need for sacred things --- like personal relationships, etc. My issue is with the marketing of "straight" men as more desirable, more masculine and that gay men should be grateful that a "pussy-loving real man" is letting a another man have sex with him. This type of marketing entails shitty scenes, and couple that with the fact that other brilliant gay porn stars have to do scenes with these pieces of shit. It just fucks up things all around.

I know that a few of my favorite gay porn stars prefer women in their personal lives, but these men have brilliant gay sex on camera and, most importantly, they come off as actually gay when performing. The ONLY exception I make is for James Jamesson, and that is because he is half woman Athenaaphroditezeusadonispsilocybingingerloveofmylife.

My stance is that if one is going to perform in gay porn, then one must have gay sex with all the trimmings.  There needs to be a celebration of gay sex, which is seriously lacking in the current gay porn climate. The gay porn food chain desperately needs to be revamped. And by that I mean all gay porn performers should be sucking cock like it contains oxygen, kissing like lovers, and taking dick or giving dick enthusiastically. That is all.

There are NO STRAIGHT Men in GAY Porn

Poor gay porn: thinking there are actual straight men sucking cock and getting fucked on camera is pure fantasy. There are absolutely no straight men in gay porn who interact sexually with another male on camera. Don't fucking argue with me, bitch! If a man sucks another man's cock and takes another man's cock up his ass, he is not straight. I don't care if he did it to pay rent, get high, what ever the fuck, he is not straight. Liking or preferring women doesn't make him straight either, it makes him a female-oriented bisexual (yes, I'm using labels; get the fuck out of my face!) So let me help you, gay porn, you poor little confused thing.

STRAIGHT: A straight man is ONLY attracted to the female sex. He sees nothing remotely sexy about dick, balls, great abs, etc,. He dreams of pussy all day long, and if another guy offered his asshole as a substitute, straight guy might be provoked to violence (stupid fucks some of them are). You might be able to get him to get his dick sucked for, like, a million dollars. On camera? Try a billion dollars. He's certainly not going to do it for a measly $500. You have NEVER seen this man in gay porn. EVER.

GAY:  A gay man is ONLY attracted to the male sex. He sees nothing remotely sexy about pussy, tits, great curves, etc,. He dreams of dick and ass all day long, and if a chick offered her pussy as a substitute, gay guy might be provoked to running away, screaming. You might be able to get him to get his dick sucked by a chick for, like, a million dollars AND a lifetime supply of La Mer Concentrate. On camera? Try a billion dollars and weekly oral from George Clooney. He's certainly not going to do it for a measly $500. You have seen this man in gay porn. MANY TIMES.

TRUE BISEXUAL: This is a man who is equally attracted to both sexes. He can have a meaningful, sexual, emotional and intimate relationship with a man or woman. He is extremely rare, and probably not in gay porn.

MALE-ORIENTED BISEXUAL: This is a man who prefers cock and balls but will play with some pussy if necessary. Usually, when inebriated or extremely horny, he will get with a female. But his heart is with men and the majority of his relationships are with men. A few are in gay porn.

FEMALE-ORIENTED BISEXUAL: This is a man who prefers pussy but will play with some cock and balls if necessary. He will suck cock and get fucked when the mood strikes, but prefers his sexual needs be met by tits and cunt. Quite a few are in gay porn.

MENTALLY ILL SEXUAL: The worst fucking thing ever to happen to gay porn. It's the reason the majority of gay porn sucks these days. The Mentally Ill Sexual are men who have not come to terms with their sexuality but decide---MENTALLY ILL---to enter gay porn and proceed to turn it into boring, void of intimacy, fuck-by-numbers crap. They have issues with dominance, and want desperately to be straight because they see being gay as "weak." I hate this motherfucker with a passion so hot, it could melt diamonds. Sadly, the Mentally Ill Sexual is a gay man who will sell his soul to be a straight man. Suffer, bitch. 

The Mentally Ill Sexual make up the bulk of current gay porn. 

I hope this helps any of you who are struggling with the thought of "straight" men in gay porn. Now you know, there are no straight men in gay porn. And there never was.